Conducting a Native Engagement Ceremony

It’s been hectic in the past 10 days. Since the Passover and Resurrection Sunday services it has been non-stop for me. First, I attended the first home group last Thursday and this Thursday there will be another cell group. Then on Friday I led prayers on the weekly prayer meeting but an hour before that I met a young couple wanting to be engaged which happened to be the next day, last Saturday. I talked with them and wanting to be sure that they were ready to get engaged and married in 6 months’ time.

I wish they had given me more notice but it is better for them to tell their pastor rather they do it without the pastor. I was asked to conduct the engagement ceremony at 2pm on Saturday but it started at 3pm because the man’s extended family came from a village in Tenom which is about 4 hours’ drive to KK. 

Engagement ceremony for natives is quite an elaborate affair. The man has his representative who will do most of the talking for him and as all parties are SIB members, we used our church’s engagement form which all parties needed to sign including two witnesses, normally the pastor and an elder. After two songs, I shared a devotion for the young couple from the Song of Solomon which took 8 minutes. 

Then, I sat down and indicated to the man’s representative to start the proceedings. The most important part is the bride price (berian) and the wedding reception which can cost another RM15,000.00 as the whole village is expected to turn up and food and drink easily cost RM15,000 for 200 people. 

A cow costs RM4,000.00 likewise a pig which is the main staple (meat) for the wedding. The next most important part of the negotiations is the setting the date for the marriage. Our church allows a period of engagement between 3 and 6 months which is a bit short according to modern standards but it is good in order that there are no moral lapse if they are to wait too long. The man’s family even asked for the shorter period but at the end they agreed to six months, a date in October. 

We ended just before 6pm, three hours long and the next day an elder told me that he once conducted a ceremony that lasted 8 hours from 7pm to 3am in the morning! And before they agreed on everything the food was put on hold and for them to take the pig out for slaughter and another 3 hours before they could eat at 6am! I am glad the ceremony I conducted just took five hours including travel and waiting time by God’s grace.