On the Verge of Giving Up

No man is unaffected by its surroundings, within and without pressures mount up until I felt like almost giving up. In fact, in the past fortnight I have given much thought of my ministry. Maybe I am not suited to this current place or pastorate, until to the point of giving up. My best friend in New Zealand when he heard about me teaching in Singapore, more than 15 years ago told me, "Intellectual compatibility" suggesting that Singaporean high educational standard would be compatible with me. In a way, I agree with him. It was in Singapore that I found my gifts appreciated the most, even the Singapore's government granted me and wife Singapore Permanent Residence on merits.

In loving and blessed memory of Angel

Today would have been Angel’s 21st birthday if she had lived beyond her two short years. My monograph on Revelation in 2005 is dedicated to Angel. She never left her hospital bed and her mother and another angel maid looked after her for more than two years. I visited my daughter every other day depending how busy I was in church. Even in the most severe trial, I did not stop trusting God. In Angel’s two years and two months on earth coincided with the greatest growth in church from just over 200 to 400 members (March 2004-Jun 2006).

Into the Fire

The devil is most displeased when godly leadership is exercised for the good of the church. I felt I was thrown into the deep end, into the fire as I chaired the church council meetings for the 4th time since I became pastor. Though it is not my duty to do so, as I do not hold any administrative post except being the church pastor. I am most glad to relinquish it, though I know it will create a new set of problems if meetings are not conducted properly and decisions not followed through to their conclusions. I wonder why some people think becoming a leader is top of their agenda even if they do not have the ability to lead, not alone to bring changes to the congregation. I am happy to do less unless doing more really brings forth fruits for God’s glory.

In a Foreign Land

I wrote in the heading of a chapter of my life in a local seminary as time spent in Philistine territory like David who spent 16 months there when he was persecuted by King Saul. Those 13 months “gainfully employed” plus five months of waiting for my next ministry were quickly forgotten as I am into the fourth month of my fourth pastorate. It seems I enjoy it more than my three previous engagements.

A New Beginning

One friend who sent me well wishes on my 30th anniversary of full time ministry in the Lord told me, “A new beginning” perhaps in reference to my new pastorate which I had now just passed three and a half months in service. I can truly say in many ways it was a new beginning. It was my first pastorate after the Covid pandemic that led to my ceasing of my previous pastorate. It was after three churches and three Seminaries (two in Sabah and one in Singapore). It seems my first half of my life ended in threes. Even my books I published before 1st Dec 2024 were six books, three in Malay and three in English and the 7th is in Malay. Likewise I had presented academic papers in three Universities in three different countries. And I start anew in this little church.

Meaningful & Impactful

The first I can attest to because what I am doing is meaningful, at least to me. Whether it is significant and impactful I leave it to God to judge. Some of my friends without them saying aloud wonder why I am stuck with one community, a lowly and poor segment of the society but that’s where I believe God wants me to be and I am not sure how long it will last, this pastorate, the relationship between the pastor and his flock. In the book of Zechariah the bond between the shepherd and the flock could be broken, and I experienced that when my former church insisted on the requirement of vaccination. Even a member of Parliament I spoke to recently told me that if he had a choice he would not have been vaccinated. And he also acknowledged that some of his friends had serious side effects.

Preaching Non-Stop & Translating the Malay Bible

Last Sunday was supposed to my break from preaching but last minute some church leaders caught the news that I was coming up to Ranau and they invited me to preach in my former church. I had many fond memories there not least averaging two sermons a week making it 100 sermons within the year of 2015. Yes, it was 10 years ago and I had turned 50 and now I am a decade older. But in my spirit I am in the pink of spiritual health.

Keeping my Promise: Celebrating 80th birthday of an Elder

By next Monday I would have completed my first 100 days in my new pastorate. This Sunday I shall be preaching on the 99th day of my ministry in this small local church of average 90 adults assembled in a one shop lot unit at the border of Kota Kinabalu and Penampang, about 14kms from my house. My first Likas church was only about 6kms away, then 9kms in my third church and now a few more kilometres away. Yet, it is within the Kota Kinabalu city precinct. I spent the weekend in Ranau on the 1st March, About 7 years ago, two years after I relinquished my 2nd pastorate of a rural church in Ranau, I told an elder who frequently required medical review that he would be celebrating his 80th birthday and I would come and celebrate with him. I have kept my promise.

What We do for Friends

In the past few years, especially during the Pandemic and post-pandemic, one gets to realise who remain one's true friends. I have been doing things mainly for friends. If he or she is a friend, I tend to accept invitations to preach or to minister. A stranger or not-sure friends, I am less inclined. Even now and right now, I am in a dilemma. I have to travel outstation to visit a friend whom I said many years back (7 or 8 years ago) that he would reach 80 years old and I will celebrate with him his 80th anniversary. I am not sure whether I could really go up to Ranau but I will do my utmost to fulfil my good friend's wish to have me as his former pastor celebrate his 80th birthday.

Preaching in the Anointing

 It was unusual last Sunday as I sensed clearly the anointing once I started preaching from Ephesians 4:3-16. I spent the first 6 minutes talking about a former missionary who was the most influential pioneer of our movement among the Dusuns of Sabah in the late 1930s and then after the Second World War. The first local churches in Ranau were started in 1947. After that, I launched into my preaching and I felt the anointing for the next 45 minutes of the sermon, right to the end. In fact, I felt it was the highlight of my last three sermons, each having been anointed more than the previous one. This Sunday I shall be preaching my 4th consecutive sermon and I pray by God's grace the anointing will be upon me as I preach. I felt for last Sunday's sermon, I had spent a whole week, from Monday to Sunday morning, about 50 hours within the week to preach that 50-minute sermon.

77 Days

I shall be preaching this Sunday on my 11th Sunday with the church from the 1st Dec 2024 which happened to be a Sunday and my commencement as pastor. I am under no illusion of the challenges in front of me with so many things to do. Many things established over the years are set in motion and being done the same way without asking whether these things have biblical foundations. Unless there is a teaching priest in the house of the Lord, it is hard to see the congregation advances in anyway, spiritually and numerically.