Hidden in a Corner

Isaiah, the prophet either speaking of himself or of another prophet says that "The Lord has hidden me in a quiver" (Isaiah 49) and the prophet is like an arrow ready to be used by the Lord. Last night I spoke with about 7 pastors gathered around me. There were 14 pastors in all but you can only speak such a number with four or five people engaged in a conversation. We were discussing about doing post graduate study in theology. There are so many courses around that I lost count offered by various Seminaries in Malaysia. I told my fellow pastors to consider carefully when going for a Masters or doctoral study programme in theology. What are the motivations for study?

"I withheld my tongue even from good"

The Psalmist says that he withheld his tongue even from good. Today I did just that. I had a wonderful church service. Six days ago I asked my good friend, an elder in the church that I wanted to be prayed for by the leaders towards the end of the service. It happened that the church was holding its AGM today and most leaders were present. I saw about 15 people came out to the front and prayed for me. I was asked by the presiding elder to say a few words and I spent perhaps 3 minutes to say thanks and explained how it was exactly a year ago I announced my resignation from the Seminary (I was there for one year) and my application to serve again my church, SIB. It looks like I had waited 11 months before I accepted a call from a local church to be their pastor. After the church service, we went for a refreshment about 30 minutes before the AGM started at 11.30am. The senior pastor who is an old friend I know him in 1997 or 1998 during my time as the Treasurer-General and the pastor has always be friendly with me.

Preaching is War

Preaching is warring against the forces of darkness and winning souls for the Lord. At the end time it is even a tougher ask as many people turn cold towards spiritual things. As a preacher there is running away from a life of denial and dedication to the task and mission. I surprised myself getting up at 3.30am last Sunday and spent more than 4 hours waiting on the Lord and sharpening my sword, not mine by the Spirit’s sword that is the Word of God.

Church Anniversary Preaching

Yesterday I preached in a church as an invited speaker for the last time before becoming its church pastor in December 2024. I asked the Chairman during lunch about how I should answer those who may ask me when I preach in Miri in two weeks' time? Yesterday's service was packed with 140 adults with about 20 guests joining the anniversary's service. It was easy for me as I only got up just after 3am in the morning. With speeches and presentations, I got up to preach at 10am after a 8.40am start. I did not look at my watch even once, but shortened my sermons with a few more verses listed in my notes untouched. But for about 50 minutes, I felt the anointing strong, as if born by the wind of the Holy Spirit. I preached from Matthew 6:25-34 on the theme "count your blessings" and I started by asking the members to trust in a loving Father who provides all our needs but not our wants.

Discerning the Lord's Will

It's time for me to reflect on the year, normally come November which is less than a week away. When I submitted my "Anak Panah" for publication last week, I listed all my speaking engagements from July 2023 to Dec 2024 which encompasses a 18-month period. There are 38 separate invitations and a few invitations involved speaking two or three times like Christmas in Papar last year where I spoke 3 times over 2 nights and a full day in church. So altogether I had spoken more than 40 times within 18 months making it at least once a fortnight and for about 10 months from July 2023 to May 2024 I taught 7 courses that ran 15 weeks, three hours of lectures per subject per week.

Writing my Memoirs @60

When I wrote "Departure Points" some people called it a memoirs,  but it was not as there was no childhood, teenage or University years. Straight up the first chapter has me going to Auckland University for theological education in preparation of ministry. But "Anak Panah" is a memoirs, but somewhat truncated as many things are not told therein, but I hope to have included all the significant events of my life and ministry. Why write a memoirs at 60? It is a bit early for some, normally reserved for those who have long retired perhaps in their late sixties or even seventies. But I wrote Anak Panah for two main reasons.

The Weariness of the Preacher

Preaching is tiring work. You plough the hearts of men with God's Word, sharpened by the Holy Spirit cutting deep into the hearts and it accomplishes the work of God in men's lives and hearts. But the preacher is often wasted. I did not preach a long message barely 40 minutes, but throughout yesterday I felt like a boxer knocked out cold and slept for hours during the day. Maybe I did not sleep well on Sunday night which is normal as the anointing is still strong and effect of the preaching is still wearing off but it hits you early Monday morning and only until this morning I was awakened afresh like one raised from the dead.

The Ball is Rolling

Yesterday I started the new phase of my future ministry in motion. I announced to a church that had twice applied for me to be their pastor and as a token of appreciation I thought I should let them my present and future plans. I had prayed for the Lord's wisdom to say what He wanted me to say and a day after I am pleased that I did just that by His grace. So the ball is rolling and next Sunday comes my next assignment to meet with those that I would work with in the new few months and years. Then, after that I hope to be prayed for by my church (I have been a member of this church for 2 years after being a member of my home church for more than 33 years. I pray that it would also go well and I could assure the members of my love for them. Although I have not been that regularly as I have had many speaking engagements in the past year, many members have shown love to me and we had some interesting chats and discussion every time I attended church. 

Feeling Guilty no More

I struggled for 24 hours asking the Lord many times whether I was going to accept the speaking engagements at. a village more than 4 hours' drive away from Kota Kinabalu. After turning it down early yesterday morning I felt guilty about not going for 10 hours or so until just past 3.30pm the Lord spoke to my spirit, "Tony you are no longer young anymore. You don't have to drive on your own long distance." After that voice came, I felt relieved and guilty no more. I am past 60 and even a Chinese saying has this that if you are between "40-60 you conquer the whole world under heaven" which means you can be in active military service until you are 60 and then, past that you are relieved of more strenuous tasks. I am relieved that even priests retire at 50 so that they do not have to do heavy lifting or climb ladder to pour oil into the menorah branches in the tabernacle of the wilderness. Some work is meant for the younger generation and I don't have to drive myself on long trips. Even 90 minutes to Tambunan the other day was very tiring.

First Time Rejection

Early yesterday morning at 6.12am I texted an elder who invited me for two preaching sessions in the first weekend of December. And for the first time in my ministry I turned it down due to lack of proper form of transport to the place concerned. When I was in Ranau and three years after that I drove a second hand Triton 4-wheel drive that took me into the most interior of places to Malinsau and up the mountains and down the valleys of Ranau often not just gravel roads but rocky and muddy roads during rainy season. Now with a city car, every time I have to travel to ministry I have to think twice; in fact I took 12 hours longer to reply to the elder because I struggled to make a decision as it has been 7 years since I went to that District and they have been one of my strong supporters.

Preaching Assignments leading to 30th Anniversary in the Lord's Service

Suddenly within the past few days all my weekends are filled up for the month of November. Even until Saturday 30th November I am travelling outstation to preach in a meeting close to my former College in Taginambur some 30 years ago. I told the organisers to expect a surprise as I celebrate my 30th anniversary in the Lord's service as it was on that fateful day, 30th Nov 1994 I arrived with my family (wife and son aged 4) at Melangkap village where the College Campus was located to commence my full-time ministry officially on the next day 1st December 1994. So I might do a double celebration, one at the same district where I started 30 years ago and the second the next day in Kota Kinabalu which happens to be on a Sunday, 1st December. The stars seem to align as if it does not fall on a Sunday I might not do anything at all as driving in KK on a weekday is near impossible nowadays with traffic jam everywhere from sunrise to sundown and around my place especially.