I got back from KK at 6pm yesterday and proceeded to attend the mid-week meeting. Somewhat I could not sleep last night so I got up at 3.30am to prepare more slides on the Prophets from Abraham Heschel's book of the same name. Heschel's book is still the first book I go to for an introduction to the prophets. I have not read a chapter better than Heschel's first chapter, "What manner of a man is a prophet?" This morning I spent 3 hours discussing that. As I reflect on Good Friday's message, I wept at the sight of the visions of God during the first and only song in Chapel this morning. When you are ready to worship God, you don't need a couple of songs to warm up or wake up from spiritual slumber but you can enter God's presence forthwith. I was meditating on the College's theme, "Mati untuk Hidup". In order to live one is to die. No one who does not understand this is any closer to God.
I envisioned Jesus hanging on the cross for me as the song was sung and suddenly I saw myself on the cross as if the Lord was asking me, "Are you prepared to die in order to live? To die to self? To die to the world? To fleshly desires? I felt God's love poured afresh into my heart as I reconsecrated my life to the Lord. It has been a tough 3 months. I have not worked as hard. I have lost count on the number of sermons I peeached. I am struggling with my health, barely holding up in this changing climate. It could be cold one night and hot another. The temperatures could plunge 10 degrees in a few hours. From 30 to 20 degree celcius. I am barely coping with the demands of ministry. I had less than half a day in KK and I was speeding back to Ranau over mountain terrains and found myself preparing for lectures before dawn and now for tomorrow's Good Friday sermon.
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