"You have fought against God and men and you have prevailed" (Genesis 32:28)

In the last couple of months, I have been writing the Malay version ("Anak Panah") of "Departure Points: My Life and Ministry among the indigenous peoples of Borneo" with the sub-title "Kisah Pelayanan Seorang Anak Negeri Sabah". But this morning I changed the sub-title to "Perjuangan" instead of "pelayanan". As I preached two Sundays ago about how God spoke to me from the Jacob narrative (Gen 31-32), this morning I felt strongly in my spirit that the Lord spoke again from the Jacob's story of how his name was changed to Israel. The angel of the Lord said to Jacob "Your name shall no longer be Jacob and you shall be called Israel for you have fought with God and with men and you have prevailed" (Gen 32:28). I realised at that moment all my life, my Christian life for the past 42 years has been a struggle - a fight for survival, for righteousness, meekness and justice (Psalm 45:4). I have to fight to maintain my integrity when left right and centre I see many compromising with God and with the truth for worldly favours and security.

It is a fight to maintain my innocence, the simplicity of faith in Christ and not become a hypocrite and a false teacher and prophet. Many for the sake of their rice bowls have compromised their faith and they are no longer true to their calling as the struggle is for their bellies, says Paul and they no longer fight for the interests of Jesus Christ. Yes, I have wrestled with God for many years. I had sought His favour and sought to know His will and paid the price of obedience despite whatever it might cost. 

I gave up everything three times. Once as a lawyer, I entered into ministry with nothing. After 4 years of service with 3 years as Treasurer-General when I raised hundred of thousands, if not millions and preached 300 times, I had nothing when I arrived in NZ to do my post-grad study at the end of 1998. I walked by faith and it was a fight for survival and crying out to God to bless me like Jacob. After pastoring the biggest church in KK for over 5 years I had just enough to take a holiday to see my son in New Zealand and I went to Singapore with my staff like Jacob but returned to Sabah with two companies. Yet I gave up everything in Singapore, I renounced my Singapore permanent residence status to return to serve my people, the indigenous church in Sabah. It's been ten years and throughout this one long decade, I have fought hard before, during and after the pandemic, keeping faith and a good conscience and without wavering until today preach God's Word with a holy unction and the full conviction of His Spirit.