On the Verge of Giving Up

No man is unaffected by its surroundings, within and without pressures mount up until I felt like almost giving up. In fact, in the past fortnight I have given much thought of my ministry. Maybe I am not suited to this current place or pastorate, until to the point of giving up. My best friend in New Zealand when he heard about me teaching in Singapore, more than 15 years ago told me, "Intellectual compatibility" suggesting that Singaporean high educational standard would be compatible with me. In a way, I agree with him. It was in Singapore that I found my gifts appreciated the most, even the Singapore's government granted me and wife Singapore Permanent Residence on merits.

Under "achievements" in my PR application form, I listed my several scholarships, Masters and PhD, among the youngest lawyer as sole proprietor of a law firm, publishing my doctoral thesis with T & T Clark (at the time, only about 3 out of 21 TTC lecturers had published theses with reputable publishers) and managing the denomination's annual million ringgit budget with building more than 50 churches in the period of 3 years with a salary of RM1,000.00 per month. 

But now I minister among the lowly whom I love and I don't think my preaching is hard to understand. I had pastored a rural church in Ranau with mostly farmers, small traders, village folks. And the person who showed me most gratitude was a widow in her early 70s who walked for about a mile down her house and waited for transport to attend church about 15 kms in Ranau town. 

At the farewell, she gifted me RM10.00 which I treasured and gave thanks to God. I promised to visit her and I did few months after I left the church to take up the Acting Principal's post in our Bible College, another 17kms into the interior from Ranau. 

Now there are only a couple of degree holders and most leaders have only basic primary or lower secondary education. But many young people are studying in Universities and they will be the first generation of University graduates. Even the young teenagers - it was three Primary Six, now Form One girls who called me, "pastor" in my 2nd week on 8th Dec last year and two of them have engaged with me theologically. Wow, only 12 or 13, but they can do theology to the shame of some adults. It is inter-generation ministry. May the Lord grant me long life to see these young people establish themselves in their careers and the teenagers enter the top Universities. Perhaps then, they could bring positive change to the church.