No Spirit left in me

It is rare. I don’t remember driving back to KK having started on the journey to Ranau. But it rained heavily in the afternoon and the dark clouds hovering Mount Kinabalu afar off was no a good omen. But more than just the weather throwing a spanner in the works it is that I have no spirit left in me to make the journey north east. Perhaps like the armies of Alexander the Great it was one mountain too many for them to cross and at the end they refused to obey their king and made him turned back. As long as I have been in ministry I do not know how I managed to overcome great obstacles in my way. Every journey on road or in the air I had felt the Lord going before me.
 When I was serving in Singapore and when I spent a few days of holidays in Sabah I could not wait to return to Singapore because my ministry was there. When I was pastor of Muhibbah church in Ranau I could not bear to spend a day or two in KK but rushed back to Ranau at dawn to be where my ministry was. Likewise my six months as Acting Principal of the College I hardly left the place except on official occasions where I represented the College or preaching. I remember my former students telling me that as acting Principal I hardly missed a Saturday rehearsal for the Sunday Chapel because it fell on me as leader to ensure the house of the Lord’s service was conducted well. I got up often before 4am to work knowing my time was short. But in the last two years it has been tough...people dwell aimlessly for lack of a vision. My good Anglican friend asked me why I didn’t teach in a local Seminary but that would be a job and not chasing after a vision. As Paul said he did not disobey the heavenly vision and I am on a mission. The die is cast - it may be open doors and many open doors or like Elijah disappeared from the scene for 3 years before reemerging in Israel.