Sometimes we hide our feelings from others. I felt a part of me went numb when I finally uprooted myself from the College that had been my life for the past 6 months. Two days before flying off to South Korea I went up to the College to clear my room and came back to KK with a truckload of personal belongings. Two days after returning from Korea I went up again to bring my books kept in my makeshift office. A close friend accompanied me on my final trip to Namaus yesterday and we spent less than 1 hour before leaving the place for good. It was tough as I put up a smiley and cheerful exterior, as for the pain in the heart who knows? Some students caught the sight of me and when lesson ended at 11.45am came out to greet us and extended assistance to quickly move the boxes of books onto my pickup truck.
The female students came out as well and one student exended her arms as if she wanted to give me a hug but with conservative culture and values, she refrained and instead say some soothing words. I guess the time of sentimentality has passed since the farewell service was 2 weeks ago. But even as I landed in KK last Saturday I still received messages from my students expressing how they wished I were still around. It pains me much because for quite a while I thought I would be with them until at least end of the year. But my heart was turned to decide otherwise and although my heart aches but my mind tells me I have taken the right decision. At least they gave me a rousing farewell with songs and dance and a vidoe clip of 3 minutes in honour of their pemangku. I managed to catch up with a couple of students just as I was saying goodbye to them. I chatted briefly perhaps for 5 mins as my watch turned 12.30pm and I did not want to keep them from lunch time. One student expressed to me how she still felt sadness since she knew I was leaving 3 weeks ago now. The pain could linger and only time can heal. I guess they were not being sentimental but my time with them had made a real difference in their lives. One posted the College worship team rehearsing last Saturday and said how they wished I were there with them for rehearsal like before-times. Now they have lost a teacher, a father, a brother, a pastor and a friend. And I feel just as deeply the sense of loss and sadness that I could not continue what I had started. But only God knows and my recompense is with the Lord.