Tuesday, July 14, 2020

Pack of Dogs (Psalm 59:6, 14)

I had a weird dream a couple of nights ago. I rarely had dreams but if I do I tend to forget that I'd dreamed when I get up. But this dream stays vivid for three days. I dreamed that I was approaching my Triton pick-up like going on a journey but there were fierce dogs surrounding the car. In my dream, I sensed fear (I don't like dogs), but I approached and entered my Triton, nonetheless. But inside the car several big dogs were with me, even trying to lick my face or very near me, too close for comfort. Then my dream ended. After 3 days meditating on this and asking the Lord whether the dream had any meaning, I came to the conclusion that perhaps it was due to my anxiety of returning to my former College which I had resigned from my teaching ministry at the start of 2019. It's been 18 months away and it is peaceful in Kota Kinabalu and the church that I now serve as pastor. I did not want to return to the past but there was request from the top leaders at HQ that I could not refuse, partly due to a long friendship and collegiality with the person who called. But since then, my heart is heavy and everytime I think about my forthcoming trip I felt a sense of gloom and depression.
Then this morning I received a text from a person from the College who had enquired about the commentary I wrote and she wanted to book a copy. Then I realised I still have friends at the College and most of the students whom I taught before are now in their final year and I am teaching them the book of Revelation. It is sad that it is the younger generation that shows more appreciation and respect. When I was in College, I told  my students in no uncertain terms that they better do their level best to maintain their idealism, lest they be corrupted by ambitions, jealousy of one another and seeking man's honour in doing God's work. It is better to earn a living outside than relying on the church or God's people if one thinks of it as a career, as a stepping stone for positions in church or outside as there have been a number of senior leaders who had left the ministry after a decade or two in ministry for politics and other worldly concerns. Like Paul's admonition to the church and the apostle reminded them that Demas was once faithful in the ministry but he departed for the love of the world. As for me, it will be a long week, come next week. It will be almost 7 days in all, going up on Monday and returning after two Sunday services in Ranau and then hoping to be back in KK for my young teenage class at 6.30pm. Kyrie Eleison! God have mercy on me! Protect me, O Lord from people, those snarling like dogs and prowling around the city (Psalm 59:6, 14).

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