Crossing the Finish Line

I had a sense of my frailty this morning. I declined an invitation to speak in a village 4 hours’ away. Why did I accept an invitation to speak in a village 5 hours’ away next weekend? Perhaps out of nostalgia since I spoke there when I turned 32 years old. Now more than 29 years on I am still pressing on in the Lord’s work and I sense I might be reaching the end, almost crossing the finishing line. Even my city ministry may be reaching the end as the last council meeting reported a constant deficit.

I half joked that this deficit business is also new to me. I know the reason but I think a majority of leaders may not be ready to hear it. Even getting them to understand that changing the song leader should first inform the pastor took considerable energy on my part. There must be ten things we discussed during the meeting and almost every issue required the pastor’s wisdom and intervention but as I am not the chairman it put me under huge pressure being asked the chair the meeting last minute as the meeting was about to start. 

Earlier in the year I told them that not only the first church (Likas) but also Ranau’s church experienced growth in numbers and finances as I was the chairman and also the senior pastor. Everything falls and rises with leadership but many do not realise it and want the position for the honour of the position but they fail to lead which means many things simply fall apart and finances go down as well. 

In Ranau, a rural church with not many wage earners but mostly farmers and small traders and by the end of the year the increase in church income covered my salary, but here they are dipping into the reserves and soon there is no more. 

Ironically in the past two weeks the church hall was packed but the giving was little. Mainly I minister among the poor, many single mothers who rely on husbands’ income but these men do not attend church and with the cost of living rising constantly, there is not much that can be done to improve the finances. I may be crossing the finishing line soon. I may just serve free lance and perhaps sell my books if I am more free to move around or find other source of income rather than being paid by the church.