Feeling Guilty no More

I struggled for 24 hours asking the Lord many times whether I was going to accept the speaking engagements at. a village more than 4 hours' drive away from Kota Kinabalu. After turning it down early yesterday morning I felt guilty about not going for 10 hours or so until just past 3.30pm the Lord spoke to my spirit, "Tony you are no longer young anymore. You don't have to drive on your own long distance." After that voice came, I felt relieved and guilty no more. I am past 60 and even a Chinese saying has this that if you are between "40-60 you conquer the whole world under heaven" which means you can be in active military service until you are 60 and then, past that you are relieved of more strenuous tasks. I am relieved that even priests retire at 50 so that they do not have to do heavy lifting or climb ladder to pour oil into the menorah branches in the tabernacle of the wilderness. Some work is meant for the younger generation and I don't have to drive myself on long trips. Even 90 minutes to Tambunan the other day was very tiring.

Interestingly, 7 out of 10 speaking engagements are in Kota Kinabalu, with the furthest one in Keningau less than 3 hours' drive from here on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. So ends my speaking ministry for the year unless the church that calls me to be their pastor asks me to do stuff at the end of the year. If you ask me what I do best nowadays in my 7th decade of life, I will tell you straight that it is writing spiritual books. I wrote my memoirs in Malay over 100 days plus 20 more days editing, revising and formatting before it was done at Sukkot's Eve on Tuesday and on the Feast of Tabernacles itself late Wednesday evening I got news from my printers that my manuscript has been sent for print and should be ready something next week and hopefully by 1st Nov I receive the first copies by courier. 

It is my 7th book and I am a third of the way in finishing my 8th, a commentary of John's Gospel 13-21 (up to John 16 now). And it is in Malay. I do not know why. Some of my finer skills and gifts are not utilised here in Sabah, but I just love the people here and so far they respond in kind. I consider myself a grass-roots pastor. I joked two Sundays ago that I was pleased that my title is only "Pastor" and not "Reverend" because the latter is much more difficult to call. Like my former church members in Ranau, mostly secondary school students attending the first service, sometimes 50 or 70 of them already waiting at the church's gate and when I arrived at 7.30am, they called out in unison, "Pastor!!" And that is enough reward for me.