I did not preach on Sunday

It was quite surreal in many ways. In the past few months I had preached more often on Sundays than just attending as a worshipper. Yesterday I attended service at my church (1st December I shall be the pastor) and after a very short sermon of 20 minutes, we broke for fellowship and we gathered for about 10 minutes discussing the events on the 1st Dec which was a three in one, a welcoming of the new pastor by the church, my 30th anniversary in full-time ministry and the launch of my 7th book. Last night I attended probably my last event before I entered this new phase and I reminded a few present so that they could grace the 1st December evening's thanksgiving service. It has been a remarkable few months.

Preaching & Rest

Yesterday when I stopped preaching I looked at my watch and it was 11.10am after ascended to the pulpit at 10.30am with 30 minutes for praise and worship as the service started at 10am. As I knew I was going to conduct a seminar in the afternoon, I would not preach more than 45 minutes as I needed to conserve my energy. The Seminar started at 12.40pm after an hour plus lunch break and it went until 2.45pm before we ended. We had afternoon tea and by 3.30pm I left the church filled with joy on my way back, only about 10kms away. So Monday is a day of rest for me and last night's sleep was intermittent, perhaps due to the exertions and exhaustion of the day. But I saw the joy in the faces of many church members.

Big Milestone

For the past week, I have been going through my guest list for my 30th anniversary in full-time service. By God's grace, I am still standing and serving the Lord full-time. It is no mean achievement, seeing in my denomination I am the most senior member holding a membership card no. 4. My former President had passed away 7 years ago (no. 1), the Vice-President (no.2 ) had left the denomination and started his own church, the third, Secretary-General (no. 3) after many years of service chose to stand as a candidate in the State's general election 4 years ago and no longer serves full-time. So I am only one standing from the old batch of veterans. For sure, they are those who have served 40 years and above but they are now fewer and fewer, perhaps only 20 or 30 pastors out of about 400 full-time workers.

48 hours

After 48 hours since my ministry in Miri, I really felt the weariness this evening. I only spoke for 25 minutes but it could be the 90 minutes waiting in the changing room for the service to start that took a lot of my energy. I purposely brought my legal gown instead of my PhD gown as the latter is unwieldy and rather cumbersome with hood and stuff. But the events were packed and that added to the lack of rest throughout my 36 hours in Miri. After the convocation started we had refreshments and I spoke with about 10 people for about 45 minutes. A number of people asked to take photos with me which I duly obliged. With about one hour back in the hotel, I was taken to the convocation dinner at 6.30pm and it ended just before 10pm. When I arrived back at the hotel at 10.30pm, I checked a few emails and texts on my phone and went to bed by 11pm. Then I got up at 5am to pack my stuff and went for the hotel's complimentary breakfast at 6am. I had a 30-minute breakfast and by 6.45am I headed to the airport for my 8.55am flight back to Kota Kinabalu. But the joy was palpable.

My Miri Trip

This is a flying visit. I arrive on Saturday night at 9pm taken for supper at 10pm and slept close to midnight at the hotel near the Seminary and the church where the convocation was held. I woke up as usual at 4.30am and prepared for Sunday service though I was not preaching. Last minute I received a text that they would be taking me to BEM Canada Hill for the 8am service, a church I visited back in 1997. That's more than a quarter of a century ago. As it is one of the largest BEM churches in Miri, I brought about 12 of my books (5 titles) and I was surprised that the MC took the books from the lady that I gave a set of books, and the MC introduced me to the congregation and one by one mentioned my books from the pulpit. I listened to one of the BM pastors preached as being a large church there have three pastors for the BM and three pastors for the English service as well.

Hidden in a Corner

Isaiah, the prophet either speaking of himself or of another prophet says that "The Lord has hidden me in a quiver" (Isaiah 49) and the prophet is like an arrow ready to be used by the Lord. Last night I spoke with about 7 pastors gathered around me. There were 14 pastors in all but you can only speak such a number with four or five people engaged in a conversation. We were discussing about doing post graduate study in theology. There are so many courses around that I lost count offered by various Seminaries in Malaysia. I told my fellow pastors to consider carefully when going for a Masters or doctoral study programme in theology. What are the motivations for study?

"I withheld my tongue even from good"

The Psalmist says that he withheld his tongue even from good. Today I did just that. I had a wonderful church service. Six days ago I asked my good friend, an elder in the church that I wanted to be prayed for by the leaders towards the end of the service. It happened that the church was holding its AGM today and most leaders were present. I saw about 15 people came out to the front and prayed for me. I was asked by the presiding elder to say a few words and I spent perhaps 3 minutes to say thanks and explained how it was exactly a year ago I announced my resignation from the Seminary (I was there for one year) and my application to serve again my church, SIB. It looks like I had waited 11 months before I accepted a call from a local church to be their pastor. After the church service, we went for a refreshment about 30 minutes before the AGM started at 11.30am. The senior pastor who is an old friend I know him in 1997 or 1998 during my time as the Treasurer-General and the pastor has always be friendly with me.

Preaching is War

Preaching is warring against the forces of darkness and winning souls for the Lord. At the end time it is even a tougher ask as many people turn cold towards spiritual things. As a preacher there is running away from a life of denial and dedication to the task and mission. I surprised myself getting up at 3.30am last Sunday and spent more than 4 hours waiting on the Lord and sharpening my sword, not mine by the Spirit’s sword that is the Word of God.

Church Anniversary Preaching

Yesterday I preached in a church as an invited speaker for the last time before becoming its church pastor in December 2024. I asked the Chairman during lunch about how I should answer those who may ask me when I preach in Miri in two weeks' time? Yesterday's service was packed with 140 adults with about 20 guests joining the anniversary's service. It was easy for me as I only got up just after 3am in the morning. With speeches and presentations, I got up to preach at 10am after a 8.40am start. I did not look at my watch even once, but shortened my sermons with a few more verses listed in my notes untouched. But for about 50 minutes, I felt the anointing strong, as if born by the wind of the Holy Spirit. I preached from Matthew 6:25-34 on the theme "count your blessings" and I started by asking the members to trust in a loving Father who provides all our needs but not our wants.

Discerning the Lord's Will

It's time for me to reflect on the year, normally come November which is less than a week away. When I submitted my "Anak Panah" for publication last week, I listed all my speaking engagements from July 2023 to Dec 2024 which encompasses a 18-month period. There are 38 separate invitations and a few invitations involved speaking two or three times like Christmas in Papar last year where I spoke 3 times over 2 nights and a full day in church. So altogether I had spoken more than 40 times within 18 months making it at least once a fortnight and for about 10 months from July 2023 to May 2024 I taught 7 courses that ran 15 weeks, three hours of lectures per subject per week.

Writing my Memoirs @60

When I wrote "Departure Points" some people called it a memoirs,  but it was not as there was no childhood, teenage or University years. Straight up the first chapter has me going to Auckland University for theological education in preparation of ministry. But "Anak Panah" is a memoirs, but somewhat truncated as many things are not told therein, but I hope to have included all the significant events of my life and ministry. Why write a memoirs at 60? It is a bit early for some, normally reserved for those who have long retired perhaps in their late sixties or even seventies. But I wrote Anak Panah for two main reasons.

The Weariness of the Preacher

Preaching is tiring work. You plough the hearts of men with God's Word, sharpened by the Holy Spirit cutting deep into the hearts and it accomplishes the work of God in men's lives and hearts. But the preacher is often wasted. I did not preach a long message barely 40 minutes, but throughout yesterday I felt like a boxer knocked out cold and slept for hours during the day. Maybe I did not sleep well on Sunday night which is normal as the anointing is still strong and effect of the preaching is still wearing off but it hits you early Monday morning and only until this morning I was awakened afresh like one raised from the dead.

The Ball is Rolling

Yesterday I started the new phase of my future ministry in motion. I announced to a church that had twice applied for me to be their pastor and as a token of appreciation I thought I should let them my present and future plans. I had prayed for the Lord's wisdom to say what He wanted me to say and a day after I am pleased that I did just that by His grace. So the ball is rolling and next Sunday comes my next assignment to meet with those that I would work with in the new few months and years. Then, after that I hope to be prayed for by my church (I have been a member of this church for 2 years after being a member of my home church for more than 33 years. I pray that it would also go well and I could assure the members of my love for them. Although I have not been that regularly as I have had many speaking engagements in the past year, many members have shown love to me and we had some interesting chats and discussion every time I attended church. 

Feeling Guilty no More

I struggled for 24 hours asking the Lord many times whether I was going to accept the speaking engagements at. a village more than 4 hours' drive away from Kota Kinabalu. After turning it down early yesterday morning I felt guilty about not going for 10 hours or so until just past 3.30pm the Lord spoke to my spirit, "Tony you are no longer young anymore. You don't have to drive on your own long distance." After that voice came, I felt relieved and guilty no more. I am past 60 and even a Chinese saying has this that if you are between "40-60 you conquer the whole world under heaven" which means you can be in active military service until you are 60 and then, past that you are relieved of more strenuous tasks. I am relieved that even priests retire at 50 so that they do not have to do heavy lifting or climb ladder to pour oil into the menorah branches in the tabernacle of the wilderness. Some work is meant for the younger generation and I don't have to drive myself on long trips. Even 90 minutes to Tambunan the other day was very tiring.

First Time Rejection

Early yesterday morning at 6.12am I texted an elder who invited me for two preaching sessions in the first weekend of December. And for the first time in my ministry I turned it down due to lack of proper form of transport to the place concerned. When I was in Ranau and three years after that I drove a second hand Triton 4-wheel drive that took me into the most interior of places to Malinsau and up the mountains and down the valleys of Ranau often not just gravel roads but rocky and muddy roads during rainy season. Now with a city car, every time I have to travel to ministry I have to think twice; in fact I took 12 hours longer to reply to the elder because I struggled to make a decision as it has been 7 years since I went to that District and they have been one of my strong supporters.

Preaching Assignments leading to 30th Anniversary in the Lord's Service

Suddenly within the past few days all my weekends are filled up for the month of November. Even until Saturday 30th November I am travelling outstation to preach in a meeting close to my former College in Taginambur some 30 years ago. I told the organisers to expect a surprise as I celebrate my 30th anniversary in the Lord's service as it was on that fateful day, 30th Nov 1994 I arrived with my family (wife and son aged 4) at Melangkap village where the College Campus was located to commence my full-time ministry officially on the next day 1st December 1994. So I might do a double celebration, one at the same district where I started 30 years ago and the second the next day in Kota Kinabalu which happens to be on a Sunday, 1st December. The stars seem to align as if it does not fall on a Sunday I might not do anything at all as driving in KK on a weekday is near impossible nowadays with traffic jam everywhere from sunrise to sundown and around my place especially.

One after another

Even churches are like bidders in an auction. Once a bid of two is made others follow. Today I heard that there was a fourth church wanting me as the church’s pastor. It was almosr a year since I announced my impending departure from my former Seminary. For almost 8 months no one seemed to bother until last July the first church made a move followed by a second church in early August. Then last month a third church told me they wanted me to be their pastor by only in the middle of next year.

A Baby is Born

No wonder in the English idiom, one can say something like "that's my baby" which means it is something very precious and it has taken much effort before it is birthed. It's a bit like my current book. Only today after driving to Keningau and back to Tambunan I managed to finalise a few things with my printers. With text messages and video or audio calls free of charge things are so much easier compared to just 10 or 15 years ago. So in the past 14 days, two weeks to be exact I had laboured to give birth to this baby of mine, a pet project, my long overdue book which I named as "Anak Panah" in English means ""Chosen Arrow" from Isaiah 49:2.

Marking Milestones

I marked my 60th birthday with 7 close friends and my beloved wife, a faithful companion in my journey of faith. The 60th birthday's milestone was marked by something else, totally unplanned as 10 SIB pastors sang happy birthday to me at the door of the main hall of our denomination, a delight to a few of my friends but probably unnerved many for they could see how "popular" or "loved" I was by others. But I am marking another milestone in two months' time, one which is much significant than my 60th year of life, which is my 30th anniversary in the Lord's service. I told myself after publishing Departure Points almost five years ago that every year thence it would be a bonus, after 55 I count every five years as precious.

A Throw of the Dice

My life is like a big gamble. Like I put all my money on the table and say, "call". But I am not in a poker game. Nor in the game of thrones. But I am serving in the kingdom of heaven, unseen by men, seen by a few spiritual men and women. Today I got an offer to pastor a church just below 50% of my former salary as a lecturer. But I actually feel more excited about this offer than my former job when it came about. They even set for the date for welcoming of the pastor should I accept the offer. Maybe in a week or two, latest by mid-October I think my future would be sorted out. Or else I will stick to writing books.

David and his 400 men

I have no doubt I will finally make it. The greater the obstacles the greater my determination to see it through. It is a fight between good and evil. And light shall prevail over darkness. Darkness may reign for a while but the light of dawn will surely break through. Everywhere I have my 400 men. Perhaps that’s why they fear and shake in their boots or else they would have more sense not to do what they are doing.

The Call to Full-Time Ministry

I sat at a table surrounded by three of the top leaders who cast their die on my future. I did not plan to sit with them, but the youth leader brought me into a room for invited guests and VVIP and I was seated at the table with the guest preacher for our annual Youth Conference attended by 3,200 paid participants and at night the numbers swelled into 5,000 people filling the biggest hall at the Sabah International Convention Centre. In fact, I wanted to sit at the back and several times as I was walking about the Hall I asked those seated whether the empty seats were available. The participants looked really young and I told my wife that soon they will look not like my children but my grand children.

60 Club

More than 5 years ago just a few weeks before I turned 55 years ago I wrote blogpost titled “55 Club”. What have I done in the past 5 years? I was waiting for my next appointment 5 years ago just as I am now, though I might not receive one anytime soon. Five years ago I was furiously completing two books “Departure Points” started in 2014 but completed and published at the end of 2019. I am also writing two books at present, a Malay version of Departure Points (up to date version) and second volume of a commentary on John’s Gospel 13-21. The latter is going well with three chapters done and six more to go which means I am already one third into my commentary.

I've been published since 2005

Thomas Sowell when asked the year he started writing, he replied, "I've been published since 1960" which was his 30th birthday and since then he had published about 45 books. I've been published since 2005 has quite a ring to it and I almost thought I was going to be one book wonder until 2019 when I started writing seriously and now have published 5 more books, three in English and three in Malay. But that's minuscule compared to what Dr Sowell had done and he was a research fellow at Hoover Institution, Stanford University where all he does is research and write with no office hours and no teaching obligations.

Spoken too Soon

Sometimes the Lord tests us whether we love Him and whether we will obey Him. In less than 48 hours since my last blogpost which I thought I might not move to another place again, I was struck yesterday that I might have to move again all too soon. This time it will be a big move, if it happens. If it does not, I resign to the fact that I shall dwell where I am until the end of days, though one never can plan too much into the future. When my wife asks me and told me that I would spend a lot of money again if I make this big move, I told her, "I am dead to the world" quoting Paul. A man who has no attachments including his own life is a powerful man.

Done with Moving?

I have come to a stage of my life that I think I will stay put unless God tells me otherwise. I have tried to follow the Lord wherever He had gone and led me to various places and ministry. In all, I have made 17 or 18 major moves and if one adds the one or two week in transit or flat searching, it would be at least 27 or 28 times in total, not counting those stopovers less than a few days in hotels, airports and motels. Even in Ranau I moved 5 times, from KK to Ranau (31st Dec 2014), from Ranau to Namaus (1st April 2016), from Namaus to KK (28th June 2016), from KK to Namaus (16th August 2016) and from Namaus back to KK for the last time on 31st January 2019 after completing an intensive course as I resigned from my ministry in the Namaus' Bible College.

A New Lease of Life

I enjoy the communion of the saints. It was life to me to be together with the saints of the most high God. Yesterday I had breakfast fellowship with a couple of pastors and one elder before Sunday service. Then an elder invited me for lunch after helping me to sell about 10 books and I realized I met his needs, his spiritual needs as he asked me tons of questions over an hour of lunch fellowship. Basically how to run the church, inter personal relationships with the pastor, among elders and church members. Also a number of doctrinal issues that came up. I arrived in church at 7.30am before the 9am start and the pastor and his wife just opened the church doors.

Two Months On

Two-third of the year is gone. There are only 66 days to US Presidential Election on Tuesday 5th November. This year has been exciting as two great Western nuclear powers had had their elections with US the super power nation coming soon. My work is to watch and pray as an intercessor called by the Lord. It's been two months since I ended my service as lecturer. I have been writing full-time though there are days and weeks that I could not get much done. But overall I am pleased with my progress with about 64,000 words done on my memoirs in Malay. I am writing the entire book afresh and not translating from my English "Departure Points".

Feast of Tabernacles 2024

In about 7 weeks we will come to the Feast of Tabernacles. I re-read some of my instagram posts last year which I posted during the 2023's Sukkot or Tabernacles. I had an amazing holidays in New Zealand, the best I ever had since I set foot in NZ in 1982. On 55th day the Lord saved me on 24th April 1982.  But last year I went to visit my son, although he did not expect me to make the trip I thought I must as he was preparing for his wedding and I wanted to be there for him when he needed to ask anything. The Lord was great as I prayed for a smooth flight as I am not a good traveller. The whole 10-hour flight had no turbulence incident whatsoever. It was so smooth I thought I was travelling on land, even roads in Sabah are bumpier.

Pastoring a rural church in Ranau (31st Dec 2014 to 31st Mac 2016)

Lord I can only praise Your glory for Your marvellous works in my life. I pastored a Ranau church (2015-2016) in a rural setting for 15 months before being moved to our denomination’s College 20 mins’ drive from Ranau. Within two weeks I fell ill and went to seek treatment in the Hospital and took antibiotics for five days. But I don’t remember ever missing Sunday service due to illness perhaps once during the mid week church service. It was a test and a trial for me as I encountered cold weather first up from the high 20s at night in KK to 18 to 19 degree celcius in Ranau in the first couple of months of the year.

Doing the Will of the Father

My last sermon in July spoke of seeking and doing the will of God the Father. Especially for His servants, we must seek to do God’s will above all else. I shared how I sought His will after 5 years pastoring a church in 2008 and I resigned, convinced that God would lead me to a new ministry. It was only after four months after my resignation and just a couple of weeks of me going to New Zealand that the opening in Singapore came up and I still went to NZ but returned 3 months later to take up a teaching position at Trinity Theological College.

7 Weeks (Writing a Commentary)

I had left my former College's residence 7 weeks ago to return home. In the first 5 weeks I wrote about 52,000 words on a book project. Then, all of a sudden I switched gear and started commenting on John's Gospel ch.13 which is volume 2 of my commentary on John's gospel (1-12) published in Feb 2020. If I get it done by Feb next year, it will be exactly 5 years for the entire Gospel. But writing a commentary is tough, perhaps the toughest genre in biblical writing because one has to comment on every verse, explain difficult words (in Greek) and the overall theme and theology of the textual unit or the whole chapter within the whole Gospel.

Cost of Publishing a Book

I am not a famous Professor who publishes his book with University Presses or some well know established publishers with a handsome royalty to boot. I am serving in this little corner of the earth with my target audience the Malay speaking church in Sabah and in Malaysia of about 1 million strong if you include the Catholics. In fact, the indigenous church in East Malaysia probably make up at least 50% of the whole Malaysian church. In Sabah, my home state, the statistics tell me that 90% of Sabah's Christian community speaks and reads only Malay. It is the highest proportion of Malay speaking Christians in Malaysia as many indigenous Christians in Sarawak can still read and speak English. Hence. my burden for the past 4 or 5 years is to write Malay books for Malay readers because they can't read in English and Indonesian which is a sister language to Malay or Bahasa Melayu is getting further from the pure original Malay of Malaysia. But publishing is costly affair. I have to stop work to write. 

Downcast & Discouraged

Anyone can get discouraged and downcast. I read a couple of Psalms 41-43 today and it is encouraging to know that king David or the Psalmist did not experience sunny days all the time. They were also downcast but they cast their souls unto God their Saviour. They called to their souls to take heart and rejoice under the bleakest circumstances. I actually have a couple of good days. Great fellowship in church yesterday and I was asked to say the prayer in response to the sermon by the preacher. I was taken by surprise but prayed a heartfelt prayer that I believed bless the preacher and the congregation. Then this morning I chanced upon an elder of the church whom I had lunch fellowship yesterday though we did not talk in church because I was seated next to the preacher, a fellow pastor and a good friend. So this morning we talked for an hour about many things and we encouraged one another.

Working as Usual but with less Stress

It's been six weeks since I had returned home. I handed over my keys to my College's apartment on Friday 28th June 2024 and I had never looked back. My routine back home is about the same as when I was working at the Seminary. In fact, I had culture shock last July in my first Semester because two of my courses were taught at night, and I thought it was a night school, very unlike the time in Singapore where all my classes were in the morning except the diploma level courses for lay Christians that took place at night for 8 weeks. So it was stressful in the Seminary as I could not sleep in and I still woke up quite often before 5am. And then, in the afternoon or early evening I was supposed to rest for my night class, but my mind was usually in over-drive going through the 3-hour lessons I was going to deliver at night. By the time the classes ended just before 10pm I needed a couple more hours to wind down and get my mind off work. It was intense to say the least.

Works are Burned Up (1 Cor 3:15)

How awful and terrible it would be if one finds that for his whole life he thought he served the Lord and found out on Judgment Day that all his works are burned up, and his soul is scarcely saved. God is merciful that it would be his last resort to consign someone to the fires of hell, but God is also just. He will not overlook injustice and all kinds of human schemes even among Christians and so-called Christian leaders which they commit in his name, or so they thought. But at the end, all their works are burned up due to their works being found wanting.

Writing & Inspiration

All my five Malaysia-published books are selling well. Last Saturday I sold 7 books to two buyers, in all three regions of Malaysia, Sabah, Sarawak and KL in Semenanjung. One buyer must have sponsored two of the books to her pastor or former pastor. Bless her heart. My London & New York published book on John's Revelation is found in over 200 libraries in the world and the second printing is out of print and it now costs over USD250.00 to source a copy. My books are selling well because the books meet needs of the readers. I only published if I am satisfied with the writing and its contents. It must be ground-breaking or least give substantial spiritual input to the readers. Ground-breaking, by God's grace, like my commentary on the Song of Songs. You can ask my 14 students last Semester on that.

Waiting on the Lord

The modern world does not wait. Almost everything is instant. People are always in a hurry. But waiting on the Lord is a spiritual discipline. When there is nothing happening, but only hanging on to hope and waiting silently for the salvation of God. Waiting on the Lord also means praying, something fervently and intensely like wrestling with an angel, sometimes whispering or speaking quietly within one's heart, murmuring and muttering before the Lord. Our eyes are set on You, O Lord until You have mercy on us and deliver us from those who are too strong for us.

2nd Month in "Retirement"

I joked with my former employers that I looked forward to retirement and writing books. This time I am serious though I do not want to close the door for a possible ministry appointment if only it suits everyone, not just me but my wife and the whole community concerned. I am in a hurry but I am not in a hurry if there is such paradox in Christian life. I have done this for almost 30 years now and I am justified to feel I deserve some rest or even retire for good. One has to choose the right moment for retirement as too many people stay too long in their ministry or positions until people who meet them say they look haggard or simply too old or have stayed too long in one job. I have never been in such a situation as the longest I have served in one place is 6 years in Singapore.

August is Come

Passing a milestone into the next is a journey in itself. It's been a week since the big day and one thing I have learned is how fragile human beings are, literally and metaphorically. As we age, we are less immune to germs attacking the body inside and outside. We have to care for our bodies and limbs more deliberately. I shot some baskets with a friend last January it took six months for my knees to heal even then imperfectly. What is lost is hard to regain. What is torn is hard to mend. When I lifted many boxes in and out of my car as I moved out of the Seminary's residence 5 or 6 weeks ago, I hurt my knees once more. Lord, can I stay put in one place?

60 years and older

Nothing lasts forever. I was happily in my 50s and now my happy 50s have passed and I am into my 60s. Yesterday during the birthday lunch I joked with my friends that 60 is the new 40. Wishful thinking. Forty years old I was just driving up mountains and valleys and sleeping on rough surfaces and using toilets outside the church house. Now I try to book the nearest homestay when I get invited to preach in the villages. There is this Chinese proverb or axiom: "From 40-60 conquer the world under heaven". It refers to active soldiers on battle fields and by 60, soldiers must retire from frontline service and only a handful are retained as military advisors past 60. In Malaysia 60 is a magical age.

“Teach us to number our days”

I spent the last day of my 59 years of life on this earth with a visit to my mother. I would love to take her out for lunch tomorrow but she is increasingly weak and with my weak knees I can’t carry her or move her into her wheelchair. My younger brothers are doing a lot better than their eldest brother in the family. I received a book which I ordered 10 days ago without expecting it to reach me so soon from UK.

Wishes for the next 10 years

I told the church two Sundays ago that I was planning and seeking God's will for me for the next decade until I turn 70. There is one wish in my heart to visit all the 140 SIB churches that I had gone to preach the Word of God. I had visited few of these churches twice or thrice last year when I preached in SIB Gansurai in Kota Belud in front of 500 youths. The first time I preached there was in 1995, my first year in ministry (I started on 1st Dec 1994) based near the Melangkap church about 30 minutes from the College. 99% of the youths were not even born when I preached in 1995 but they listened to God's Word in 2023. One wish is to return to preach in SIB Alutok, five hours' drive from KK, beyond Tenom close to the Kalimantan border.

"You have fought against God and men and you have prevailed" (Genesis 32:28)

In the last couple of months, I have been writing the Malay version ("Anak Panah") of "Departure Points: My Life and Ministry among the indigenous peoples of Borneo" with the sub-title "Kisah Pelayanan Seorang Anak Negeri Sabah". But this morning I changed the sub-title to "Perjuangan" instead of "pelayanan". As I preached two Sundays ago about how God spoke to me from the Jacob narrative (Gen 31-32), this morning I felt strongly in my spirit that the Lord spoke again from the Jacob's story of how his name was changed to Israel. The angel of the Lord said to Jacob "Your name shall no longer be Jacob and you shall be called Israel for you have fought with God and with men and you have prevailed" (Gen 32:28). I realised at that moment all my life, my Christian life for the past 42 years has been a struggle - a fight for survival, for righteousness, meekness and justice (Psalm 45:4). I have to fight to maintain my integrity when left right and centre I see many compromising with God and with the truth for worldly favours and security.

July, the month of Leo

Yesterday it was full moon for the month of July although I did not witness it, and today marks the beginning of the month of Leo. In a few days, by God's grace I would pass a significant milestone. I looked back to last year and I attended a special memoriam hearing in the High Court at Kota Kinabalu. I was shaken to know that more than 30 lawyers passed away in the past 4 years (late 2019 to August 2023). It was unbelievable and a few must have died due to Covid-19 infection. My two former bosses also passed away. One of them made a mark in legal history as he prevented a power grab in 1986 when PBS won a majority but the loser was almost sworn in if not for the insistence of my former boss as the State Attorney General that the winner of the majority seats must be appointed as Chief Minister. If it was just this one act, he would be remembered for good. I was also surprised that the lawyer who took over my law firm also passed away. He was about the same age as me, though he was admitted a couple of years later.

Growing Churches

The attendance in churches is falling everywhere. Some leaders are not concerned and they even claimed that they were growing their online congregation. Shoddy theology leads to shoddy practice. There is no substitute to in person attendance when one is a member of a body, and as members we serve one another with our gifts in love when we meet together. So there is this great challenge in growing churches. I had a measure of success in my first two churches. From 200 to 450 on average is not bad in 5 years. In Ranau the congregation grew from 250 to 350 within 12 months.

Gift of Tears

The only theologian I could relate to in this special gift is Simeon the Theologian in the early 11th century AD who wrote about the gift of tears. I shed much tears on Sunday in the middle of the worship song “I belong to You” “Sebab Aku ini milikMu” and I wept before the Lord. Humanly it is not a pleasant sight with two elders standing close to me, one on the left and one on the right. The elder on the left must have shook my hands three times as he thanked me three times for the sermon. There were three tambourine dancers and two were just a few feet away from me and I do not know if they were affected by my tears.

Two Milestones This Year

I was born in the year of the Dragon and this is my year in the month of Leo. With a dragon and a lion thrown into the mix, you do not get any better omens. But in Christ, everything is made anew, and those who believe are new creation. Stars and omens no longer rule the lives of men, but the Star of Jaco, the Messiah Jesus rules over the people who bow their knees in acknowledgment of His kingship. I preached a tough message on Sunday on doing the will of the Father in heaven because many shall say to Jesus on that day, "Lord, Lord" but they will not enter the kingdom of heaven because they are doing their own things, caring for themselves first and foremost, their own interests and not the interests of Jesus Christ and disregarding God's will in their lives.

Preaching Again this Sunday

Last Sunday was not expected but two Sundays ago, the pastor asked me to take his place to preach last Sunday which I duly obliged. Again, many church members came up to thank me despite being a really tough sermon on giving and that our righteousness should exceed that of the Pharisees' and giving our all to the Lord who has first loved us by sending His Son Jesus Christ to be the expiation of our sins. This Sunday I shall be preaching again and this is scheduled as I was invited about 2 months ago, though I did not know whether it was really confirmed until yesterday when the chairman of the church council called for a coffee fellowship.

I preached on Sunday

Yesterday I preached the Sunday in one of the biggest churches  in Kota Kinabalu, bahasa section. It was a bit hard going at the start as worship was up to the usual standard. I hope it is not that the young men watched Euro until 5 am in the morning. The topic given was not easy about giving money. It is difficult in the best of circumstances and in not so good economic times it is doubly hard to preach the message.

Preaching Sunday

This invitation was unexpected. I thought I might start my preaching ministry next Sunday as an itinerant and full-time author. But I shall be preaching tomorrow, God wiling. The pastor asked me to replace him as he wanted to take a break from the busyness of his ministry. Being a full-time pastor is a burdensome job. People may only see you on Sunday but there are many meetings in between, elders' meeting, deacons' meeting, cell groups, prayer meeting on Friday and visitation to families that require prayers and counselling. The pastor's inner strength is vital for God sees our hearts, being loyal to Him and serving His people tirelessly. My Church's seminary's 2nd Semester starts tomorrow which means I shall not be part of the teaching team there and mostly likely if an appointment comes, it will be pastoring a church.

God fills all in all

I have been back home for a whole week now. I handed the keys to my College's apartment last Friday and drove out of STS at 11.25am. I left three days earlier before my contract ended. After 2 weeks of moving house, my whole body was sore from neck to feet and I rested for three days. I went to worship on Sunday and the pastor's wife and the pastor himself invited me to sit in front. I have known the pastor for almost 3 decades and it was good to chat with him a bit before and after service.

Back Home

Last night I spent my first night at home having moved out of my College's apartment that I had stayed for exactly one year from the third week of June 2023. It was a pleasant experience for there is nothing like home. I don't have to think of travelling back and forth from home to the College's apartment anymore, though in the past year, at most I spent one night at home in two or three weeks as I was fully occupied at College. Even now during the final days of my 28-day annual leave I had not set foot in the College's library which I thought I would do to check on some references on my future commentary on John's Gospel (13-21).

Moving House (Final)

The past has to be let go before we can fully enjoy the present and lay in store what the future holds. I am now in the final phase of my moving out when my wife and I cleared out everything yesterday except the microwave which I will take in my final trip home in the next few days. I need to use the library for a few days to justify my 12-month sojourn in STS without writing anything except an essay during my last year’s Semester break. Both my Song of Songs’ and Galatians commentary reprint have recovered their costs and I sold half of Tuhan Tritunggal for which I had printed 500 copies. The next few months I might just go outstation to sell my books among the churches.

24 Hours

There was a show called "24 hours" which I enjoyed some years ago. It showed how the drama unfolds within 24 hours. I face a similar situation and I hope I can move all my things out by 12 noon tomorrow. It was already delayed by one whole week due to some unforseen circumstances. There are many small bits and pieces lying around in the house. I have a 27inch monitor hooked up to a M1 Mac mini which I bought 4 years ago and that is my main desktop computer which I will remove from my office once the grades are submitted early tomorrow morning.

3 More Times

I have kept to my side of the bargain. I told myself that I would not take more than 2 weeks to move all my belongings from my College's apartment back home. I have made the 11th trip today, with help from a couple of old friends, removed my heavy washing machine back home. It took several hours with sweet fellowship in between. We started with a drinks' break before ending for lunch. Yet without my friends' help I might have just left the machine there as it is too heavy for me and wife to carry even for 50 feet from the house to the lift and onto the car or truck. I am reminded that in this life we need friends. In fact, for this friend, he texted me about 2 weeks ago about visiting me and offered to help me. And it happened today, by God's grace.

10 Days

I spent exactly 14 days in New Zealand before returning to Sabah at the end of May 2023. I spent the time with my son who was working at home (started the day I arrived until I left - how convenient by God's grace). I thought I needed to spend some time with him before he embarked on his wedding planned at the end of 2023. Everything went according to plan, and as a dad I had done my duty, so my good friend noted in Singapore now that my son is independent and working in Auckland and supporting a wife as well who should find work after she gets her driver's licence. And now I have 10 days left in my apartment and I do not want to leave on the last day, giving a few days' breathing space. By this Friday I should finish marking my papers.

Last Legs

My legs are still holding up. I have been carrying many boxes of books and stuff. Almost 20 boxes on my last count to pack my stuff back home from my College's residence. Soon it won't be my College but former College. It is also the shortest time I have served anywhere unless I count my one-year stay in Melangkap in the beginning of my "career" in Christ as a lecturer in an interior Bible College before being elected Treasurer-General. It comes a full circle. Even my short pastorate in Ranau was one year and three months before I concentrated full-time to serve at the SIB College in Namaus, about 20 mins from Ranau town.

The Last Good-byes

I thought three weeks ago, the faculty photo would be my last photo before I leave this place for good. But today there was a group of visitors and I joined them for lunch entering in the hall a few minutes before the event ended. As we walked out of the auditorium after taking a photo with the visiting Seminarians (35 or 36 Professors from PUTS), I happened to walk beside one Professor and with my usual cheerful self, I introduced myself and we chatted as we walked for lunch. I was told that his PhD was from a German University and his thesis is published in German. I thought I should give him a couple of books since the only OT commentary in English that I wrote is in the Song of Solomon so I gave him a copy of that and also Departure Points.

Preaching on Sunday (Micah 5:5)

I preached on Sunday for about 50 minutes. The praise and worship did not begin until 9.40am after a 9am start. Only at about 10.20am I was called up to the pulpit and preached a sermon titled, "True Wisdom" or in Malay "Hikmat yang benar" from James 3:13-17.  I did not expound on the whole passage because I wanted to speak on another three passages from other parts of the Bible. First, I spoke about what true wisdom entails according to the apostle James. Then, I expounded on James 3 and said that true wisdom, a wisdom from heaven is proven by the life we live according the fruits thereof. It is just words but actions or deeds of wisdom in gentleness. I explained what heavenly wisdom is, peaceful, easy to appease, not raucous, not jealous or self-seeking because where there is envy and self-interest, there is disorder or disunity and every kind of evil (James 3;17).

School Reunion in Sandakan

Our reunion ended two days ago on Saturday night and we had a time of our lives in the town of my birth. On Saturday I met my best friend in St Mary’s Primary and Sec school. I sat in his Mercedes Benz. I told him in the past fortnight I sat in two Mercedes Benzes, first with a pastor in KL who took me to Sepang in his Mercedes and on Saturday I spent more two hours with my good friend whom I had not met for nearly 40 years. We conversed like old buddies as if we never separated.

Sandakan’s Places of Interest

It is already the third and final day of our School reunion. We are about to visit our former School, St Mary’s Secondary School in Labuk mile 2 from Sandakan town centre. Yesterday we had a full day of activities. But lunch I was feeling the effects of touring the research centre of Sepilok centre where more than 100 researchers do their work on forestry, woods, insects, rainfall stations and conservation. After 90 mins’ tour we went to see the Sun bear conservation centre where we saw 6 sun bears being nourished by conservationists.

Moving On

First time in eight years I am going for a holidays, though I am still preaching on Sunday. The divine necessity that I preach whether it is holiday or not is upon me as it a holy calling. More than two years ago, some of my school mates and I talked about organising a reunion. In fact, it was supposed to be last year in June 2023, but postponed to today a year later. I am in the airport with my wife and we shall be flying shortly to Sandakan. Then it will be three days' reunion meetings, mostly lunches and dinners.

Moving House (5)

This is my second last trip back home with my books and with one more trip all my books will be back home to where they belong. It is only 13kms from the Seminary to my house but it is carrying the boxes of books that is my burden literally and metaphorically. How did I collect so many books? I just realized I sold more than half of 500 copies of Tuhan Tritunggal printed and it is special when a church member told me yesterday that he was really blessed by my books. As the music was loud I could not carry on a conversation even if I had wanted to. It is incredible this moving house business and I don’t fancy doing that past 60 years old. Per chance it will be my last time, God willing for He knows our frame and our frailty. Here am I Lord. Send me.

Moving House (4)

I thought I was going to rest today but I needed to keep up the momentum of moving house. It was morning exercise once more carry four boxes of my books from the Seminary to my home. On my way I stopped by for a drink to replenish my energy. In less than 6 days I shall be going for my school reunion and am glad more than half of books are back home and after my Sandakan trip it will be more household items to bring home. I may even do a garage sale like I did in Auckland when notified of my appointment less than three weeks before the start.

Moving House (3)

I do not know whether I am making any good progress. I think I have moved out half my books from my office, about 10 boxes in all. Soon I may give myself this title “scholar on the move” because I lost count of the number of times that I had to carry my books from one place to another. More than 4 years ago I went to Singapore in the midst of an epidemic to collect my 300 books. Surely now I will buy less books and I resisted the temptation of going into a bookstore in Singapore last Monday as my luggage was already overweight.

Moving House (2)

 It may be the second round of my house moving process that could take at least 2 weeks or longer. I have a reunion to attend and that would be my last and only vacation in the past five years. I don't think I have gone anywhere out of my city for a holiday. Plenty of book writing and preaching in the past couple of years, no doubt and my experience in STS is bitter sweet. Sweet because I got paid reasonably well compared to my previous appointments in Sabah. But much is bitter and the less said the better. But I am now in earnest moving house. Yesterday two boxes of my books started the ball rolling. Today another two boxes with three suitcases of clothes.

Moving house again for the 18th time

This could be my 18th or 19th time moving house not counting any stay less than a week in motels and hotels when I travelled for Theological education from bachelor to doctorate. I dread moving house as I get older. My strength is not like before and my knees creak when I bend or rise up. I carried two boxes of books this morning and I am still feeling the effect of it. There would be 10 more boxes at least. A number of items in the apartment like washing machine require heavy lifting and probably I am going to pay someone to transport that to my house. My desktop computer, microwave and many more smaller items follow but they all add to the removal process, moving back everything back to my house.

The Week that Was (20th-26th May 2024)

It's been an amazing month as I preached every Sunday, four consecutive weeks, three sermons in Malay and one in English; three in Sabah and one in Subang, Selangor. It was an incredible week, from Monday until Sunday night, full of adventure and activity. It's good to have good friends and fellow pastors who appreciate one's ministry and give honour to one who is due for Jesus' sake. I was met at Changi Airport by one of my good friends in Singapore and the next four hours I had sweet fellowship with him and his wife. He took me to a couple of places, not least to Pasir Ris Library where I managed to donate two copies of my Departure Points to Singapore's National Library.

Refreshed in Singapore

I don’t know why that I like Singapore a great deal. I have come here to get away from the toxic air where I was staying for several months. I only shared with my friend one thing that led to my resignation from the Seminary. As the Psalmist says if he would speak thus he would offend the children of men. People get offended so easily. But prophets are made of steel. One senior leader told me a couple of weeks ago without my prompting “Tony you are like one of the OT prophets. Strong personality.” Yes my face is made like flint so that I won’t flinch from insults and dishonour. I have enough measure of that but likewise honour and praise.

Flying Again

Flying could be stressful, all the packing, check in, security clearance and waiting for departure even if all goes well. But flying could be relaxing as well, because one can't do much except to focus on the flight and if there are hours to spare, one can do some work at the airport while waiting for boarding. I am flying again, after 9 months. Last year in August, I flew to Kuala Lumpur for a week-end trip, conducting a seminar on Saturday afternoon and preaching on Sunday. This time it will be longer, a whole week which means I needed to pack more especially since I am teaching a class, I brought books with me adding to the weight just over 20kgs of checked in luggage. But now I am waiting for boarding and there is plenty of time. I will go my notes for the first couple of lectures and one can work on the plane too. But I have my music with me, mostly songs recorded live during worship. One song that touches me deeply is the worship song sung in a faraway village up the mountains with a congregation of about 100 people and I still hold wonderful memories of the place even though 5 weeks have passed. "You love me" ("Kau mengasihiku").

Touch & Go

It is touch and go whether I will attend the second last Thursday assembly next Thursday. Normally I only watch the online service as after rising up at dawn and lecturing for three hours my energy is spent and I can’t sit for another hour plus at Chapel. But as I shall be leaving in a few weeks’ time I shall try to make it in the Thursday service just to say good bye to students and colleagues. I have mixed feelings but it is good I an leaving just after one year as there is little time to be attached to anyone or anything on Campus.

The Month of May 2024

In 20 days' time I shall be officially going on leave pending my departure from my current place of ministry and then moving all my stuff back to my house in Kota Kinabalu. I will put my 2-week plan into action that I could move all my things within a fortnight and settle into a new place. It's been a promise I have kept to the Lord since my first departure from my legal practise to flying off to New Zealand with a young family (my wife and our 2-year old son) to start a new journey in life, in preparation for ministry. Only in church just now, one church member, a senior civil servant told me he bought two of my books and he was blessed with "Departure Points" so much that he thought he entered into my world and was taken along the ministry I undertook.

Spiritual Birthday

Only one person commented that I should celebrate my spiritual birthday which is today, 24th April as I was born again or known by God on the 24th April 1982 in Christchurch, New Zealand. But everything goes back to the first time Jesus Christ appeared to me and called into His service a year later. Those two encounters in April 1982 and May 1983 determined the course of the rest of my life and I am determined to serve the Lord Christ until the end of my days. He is alive. He has died for our sins. 

Blogging highlights

I thought to myself why don’t I focus more on blogging since in the past two months it is reaching more than 10,000 readers per month. I know it will ebb and flow but blogging has given me some marvellous benefits including a full-time job in Singapore in 2008 and numerous friends whom I lost touch had reconnected with me through coming across my blog.

I am still Alive

After a bout with illness, one realises just how close we are to death where every one alive will meet one day. If I am still alive, it is because God still has a duty for me on earth. For He is the Lord over all the earth and He has His purposes for this earth, for every nation, tribe and language. When someone comments that my ministry revolves around kampung folks (village people) I felt a sense of pride, not unworthiness. Who will go and teach these kampung folks? Yes, there are many preachers and itinerants as well, but not many have the knowledge that God has given me. It is enriching for all concerned at least for someone with my background preaching to the village folks.

One Month to Go

Today I have gone past the one month's mark before I take my annual leave and move out of my apartment and await a new ministry. It is surreal. I did not particularly feel anything except a tinge of sadness as we met as a family group at noon. No one said anything when I told them one more month I shall be gone. I guess everyone has a life to live like Paul said, "many look after their own interests, but not the interests of Jesus Christ" (Philippians). With so many invitations coming my way (whole month of May is filled up) I had no time to reflect except to prepare for my classes and preaching engagements in the week-end. Might as well since I would not have much to time to feel despondent or sad that my time is cut short. Alas it is God's will and there is a greater purpose in all these.

Minimum Pay

In Malaysia it has been more than two years that RM1,500.00 per month minimum wage has been put into effect by law. But how come so many of my fellow pastors get only less than that and some of them only half of the minimum pay? I cried for them for those who faithfully serve You O Lord would You not look from heaven and help them? They do a wonderful job with 5 evening services a week which means only two nights of rest for family and self rejuvenation.

A Lifetime of Achievements

In the world it might be that a few ambitious individuals will want to live a life filled with achievements. But the vast majority of people will be content with a few highlights in their careers with few achievements to be proud of. It is called to survive in this ever challenging world. The sad fact of the matter is that most Christians will also depart this world with little fruits to show for, even among many full-time workers, pastors and the like in church. For many it will be like any other career, maybe they had the sensed of calling in their teenage years or early twenties when they entered Bible College but soon the run of the mill demands of ministry and complexity of working with people, leaders of the local church would dry up even the very persistent and only a handful can truly claim to retain its sparks and fire of God's calling in their lives and at the end of it claim to live a life filled with achievements.

Golden Triangle of Theology

To see the fulfilment of the "Golden Triangle of Theology" which I wrote in my "Tuhan Tritunggal" (God the Trinity) book, a collection of essays, I plan to visit these two places in the near future. Next year I plan to visit Sarawak our Bornean neighbour and the year after, Kalimantan to visit Indonesia's new capital and perhaps also Balikpapan and Samarinda, the twin cities of East Kalimantan. In two years' time with the new Indonesian President firmly in place in Nusantara, I pray that I will establish connections between the three major Bornean provinces, the two States of East Malaysia and Pulau Kalimantan.

Joy Inexpressible

It was exultation while it lasted.  But nothing lasts forever on this side of eternity. It went on for exactly three weeks, about mid March to 3rd April 2024. In the past couple of days I did not feel that joy inexpressible anymore. It was glimpse of heaven. It propelled me to preach 7 sermons in two weeks while having a full load of teaching on the side. Surely the joy of the Lord is my strength. We translated the passage last Monday that Jesus said “ask and you shall receive so that your joy may be full” (John 16). It was a line from the sermon on the Mount minus the part on joy.

Serving with Great Joy

I have come to a phase of ministry that I cna this sense of great joy whenever I minister, even in preparation and anticipation I rejoice greatly in the Lord. It is only three weeks ago that I received news that my brother was going to be elevated as High Court Judge and received his appointment from Malaysia’s king and swore his oath of loyalty to the Federal Constitution before a bench of Justices led by the Chief Justice and the Chief Judge of Malaya and Sabah and Sarawak.I watched the live telecast wuth pride as my brother took the oath of office and his list of work experience and qualifications were read out.

Anticipation Rises

In less than 10 weeks I am done here. It is welcomed with much anticipation as I am not meant for round the mill grind of teaching without leadership responsibilty. It is hard to imagine what I could have done only if people have eyes to see. My only sermon last July is telling. The knowledge of God is understanding but there is little of knowing God and hence the lack of understanding. Anyhow, it is no loss and no gain for the past 12 months. No loss because inevitably some students will be blessed but others are here just for the qualification.

2nd Quarter of 2024

Yesterday and today I feel a great sense of joy and hope for the 2nd quarter of the year. First, by middle of this year I shall be relieved of my duties of teaching three new courses which prevented me from writing and research. I plan to start writing at the 3rd quarter of 2024 or the start of the 2nd half of the year. I look forward to it with great relish at least to begin John 13-21, being the 2nd volume of my commentary on John’s Gospel. I may also write a book on Revelation, mainly thematic as a commentary will take too long a time.

At the foot of Mount Kinabalu

I am amazed at how my indigenous brothers live in villages, often times at valleys at the foot or sides of Mount Kinabalu the tallest mountain in Malaysia. I literally drove to the end of the road passing by a village I preached in some 5 years ago in Lingkubang. This village is just 1.5 kms further inside but there is a reasonably sized church that could seat 250 people if packed. They announced the attendance at the two services the first attended by 156 adults and 58 children and last night’s service attended by 116 adults.  I wonder where the 40 or so adults had gone, but at the end of the service I realised that 40 missing worshippers were teenage boys because many of the teenage girls greeted me in front as it is the tradition in some SIB churches that the preacher stands in front of the congregation and they come forward to shake hands and bid the preacher farewell.

Preaching Season Begins

I did not realize that my preaching season has commenced again after a month’s hiatus. I had preached three full sermons of 50 minutes and longer. Yesterday in church I preached for 53 minutes in heat without air conditioning as the power box exploded at 8.15am just after I arrived for the 9am service. We waited 15 mins for the fireman to come and they put out the slight fire at the source at 9am sharp. We managed to get the service started at 9.07am without power supply but we opened all the windows so there was plenty of light and a bit of wind blowing through. I felt myself sweating throughout but never once bothered me until the lights came on again in the last 5 minutes of the sermon.

My Preaching Duties are Done!

As for my current place of ministry, my preaching duties here are done. I thank everyone concerned for giving me the opportunity to be the main speaker of the Seminary's Retreat.  I think due to some faculty support, my invitation to speak was not withdrawn despite me leaving the Seminary by middle of the year. It was good to a have "farewell speech" though it was nothing of that sort as I focused on the theme given to me "The Good Shepherd - John 21:15-18". I told the Chaplain earlier that I would speak on the text in my first session and in my second and last session on John 10 where the inscription of the "Good Shepherd' appears twice in John 10:11, 14. The first session was more organised in that I had 17 slides ready but by the 14th slide I sensed my time had run out, truly it was exactly 1 hour, the time given to the speaker each session.

There is no place like Home

Home is where my ministry for the Lord is. Often times I will not go back to my own home except for once a week that I need to make sure the house is in order and my other car is also running well. I try to alternate between the two cars and but my main stay is the Seminary and soon it will be over in just a bit more than 2 months. I will go on my annual leave by the fourth week of May and probably move all my things out by middle of June. This time, it may be strenuous as one ages and unable to do any heavy lifting, but it is a lot easier compared to my several moves back and forth of Ranau between 2014-2019.

“I have given you multiple gifts”

Besides preaching, worship is essential to any Christian gathering. Despite standing between five men I was right in the middle in the front row I was moved by the worship of the whole church. When His people focus on Him, He comes to bless His children with His presence and answers their many needs. I raised my hand, just one hand for the first couple of songs because I did not want to intrude on my neighbours just a few inches besides me.

There is a division among the people concerning Him (John’s Gospel)

There are a number of occasions that John’s Gospel mentioned Jesus being the cause of division among the people. Today I sat between two fellow pastors, one slightly older than I am and the other more than 15 years older already in his retirement but still preaching in his local church. Both cannot be more different. One sang my praises before he preached and I was honoured by him in the sight of the whole church. But as we talked after service he paid great attention to what I said and by now most people know I am moving on from my current place of ministry.

Full-time Author

For almost three years now, I have considered myself a full-time author except this sudden one-year appointment which is coming to an end in a few months' time. Apart from teaching here in KK, I have one more teaching commitment to keep in May, then it will be free. I watched a couple of "early retirement" videos last night, but as for me it will be seeking the Lord's will, though no one is immune to human deliberations and planning. "Man may plan his ways, but the Lord's purpose will stand." I might return to full-time writing in the near future. 

Retiring Early?

I am a frugal person but my good friend may not agree with me because he thinks I drive a nice car. In fact, one walks by faith and not by sight. God adds wealth without sorrows as I bought my car three years ago with my EPF. The office was going to be closed for those without full doses of vaccination, so I thought I better take my money out. I regret it not a moment. I have been enjoying life and a car is just a vehicle of transport but since we spent many hours a week in a car, a good car is almost an essential in Sabah. There is no reliable public transport here in Kota Kinabalu. I am not afraid to retire early because I do not think I have worked a day in my life. I love serving God. I love serving in a full-time capacity, whether I am paid for my services or not. For 18 months, I lived on my savings with no fixed income, writing two books in the process that have become a blessing to many.

Doing Nothing, Doing Everything

In barely three months, this phase of my ministry will be over. One walks by faith and not by sight. Whenever I lecture with the wealth of experience and learning granted by the Lord, I felt there is no better place for me than in a classroom imparting my knowledge and expertise to all who come. One student even called me "sifu" ("master" in the sense of an expert in martial arts). I doubt he had known my own illustration of being a black belt with 6 Dans with each "dan" representing a book that I have published. But alas, this teaching ministry is short-lived. It is truly ironic that much lesser mortals will go on forever for they are the establishment, those who do the bidding of their boss and leader. But who does the will of God the Father and look after the interests of Jesus Christ?

Conscious during the Night

I have been experiencing something that I rarely do in waking up at odd hours and my mind fixed on my next big move or no move at all. I ponder and pray in my mind there would be time I need the whole hour before falling back to sleep. No move at all could be the best outcome because I am so familiar with so many things around me, all the creaturely comforts, my home, cars and cafes dotted around KK that I visit a couple of times per week. I dine out quite a bit which something I can't do if I live overseas as most places are expensive in terms of dining out. I spent a month's pay on food alone for the 4 weeks I spent with my son when he was at varsity in 2012. My son only cooked once, and I realised cooking, like his dad is not his forte. So I spent on lunches and dinners for both myself and son.

Decision Time

Every decade of my life there seems to a big move on my part. I started serving in 1994 and in 2003 the first big move of becoming pastor of our mother church in Likas straight after completing my PhD. Then the next big move in 2013-2014 in deciding to move back from Singapore to Sabah and now in 2024 it will be another big move, perhaps farther than just South East Asia, to the ends of the earth. From the land of my birth to the land of my spiritual birth.

Conferences?

In the past fortnight so many things had happened that the last thing on my mind was Conference attendance. But this morning I received an email a kind of reminder from my friend who wanted to invite me to Society of New Testament Conference in Melbourne. A few weeks ago Melbourne was farthest from my mind as I was planning for an European trip but suddenly circumstances changed that now the only possible conference attendance is in Melbourne.

Three Months

The end is just as the beginning. I wrote in my last chapter of Departure Points. This Lunar New Year’s break has given me a bit of a reprieve. I have time to think and make plans for the future. Now I know what to do come April. I do not want to leave it to May as my lectures will end middle of May. There are only three months left.

New Year’s Reset

There are distinct advantages of celebrating two new years; one Western and the other, the Lunar New Year that fell on Saturday, 10th Feb 2024 ushering the year of the Dragon. I received eight or nine CNY wishes from close friends, most of which were decorated with dragon themes. But do you know that even for Christians a dragon could be a good sign like the introductory passage in the LXX book of Esther that begins with the vision of two dragons, Mordecai and Haman contesting for power and we all know how the story unfolds in the biblical book? As Revelation 12 speaks of a great red dragon representing the devil, we should be careful not to extol dragon-like features or images too much over the course of this year.

Things are at Overdrive

When your mind is loaded, sleep will suffer. After three hours of the Song of Songs on Monday night where I spoke and lectured throughout with the exception of a few questions, I felt the burden of the Word of Lord on me and to have unloaded it to my students in a way acceptable to them, yet not compromising the truth is an art to behold, and only those filled with the Holy Spirit will know what I mean. I have stayed calm while the storm rages around me. When you are on your way out, you really know who your friends are. Twice over dinners for guests, the same few people came to talk with me while others saw me from afar. But I put up a steely front, always cheerful and kind to all I meet and am ready to help in a moment's notice. By your patience, you will inherit the promises of God.

Seeking the Lord's Will

I found myself at peace now. After several weeks of intensive struggles in prayers and pre-dawn rising to seek the will of God for my future. Last night when I was walking to a Mall for dinner, I had a sense of peace and joy. I felt joyful that I could say to the Lord that wherever You may lead I will go. How many people on this planet earth can say that? I am a totally free agent in submission to God's will. I could stay put in Sabah or I could go to the ends of the earth, including the place of my spiritual birth. I told a Kiwi friend that I am NZ bred and trained.

Year of the Dragon is Near

It's amazing how John the Baptist and Jesus Christ announced the soon-to-come kingdom of heaven. In about 12 days, the Year of the Dragon is here. When I celebrated it 12 years ago, I was well settled in Singapore, about to be granted Singapore Permanent Residence, but paradoxically upon obtaining the SPR, many things happened until today I found myself in a Seminary located on a hill in Sabah. But 12 years is a one cycle of years and Chinese have believed that if one lives to 5 cycles, it is a good achievement and anything beyond that, the 6th and 7th cycle is a bonus (72th and 84th year). My five cycles of years are to be completed forthwith. I can look back and be contented of what God has done for me, in and through my ministry. But I have a feeling that the greater or better is yet to come for the last wine is the best (John 2) if one does not fall asleep (spiritually) through drunkenness or worldly cares and desires.

Prophetic Voice: The Use of Malay in Seminary

I am close to a number of my colleagues, some new and some old friends whom I got to know 25 years ago. But one colleague who came and we sat together with another colleague over lunch said to me -  "prophetic voice". We were talking about the Seminary's direction since it was dialogue day with the English speaking churches. Both Basel and Methodist church leaders asked for my phone number and one said she would invite me to preach in her church. It is with a certain irony that I had never preached in an English congregation in the past 30 years despite being a local, a Sabahan. Mainly, because my ministry is solely focused on the Malay speaking churches but I am still amazed that none English churches have called on me since English is my first and primary language.

A Dreamer like Joseph

One fellow pastor texted me about the support or sponsor for theological study of church members wanting to be trained as pastors. I half-joked and said they should pray to God and asked help from God directly instead of men or church authorities. I know not all men have the same measure of faith like myself who had never asked for man's help but God moved in miraculous ways to provide me from BTheol to PhD. I am a dreamer. I dreamed about setting a scholarship fund that all church members could apply including pastors' kids. Pastors' kids need ministry and often they suffer much because of their parents' calling to serve God with little financial reward. It breaks my heart when a pastor told me that his Form 3 son asked him how he would manage when he reached Form 5 on his father's meagre salary of a few hundred ringgit a month.

Class About to Start

When I was the Acting Principal I was going to bring in some change to the academic calendar in that the teaching Semester should start earlier. Here, my first class has not started and my first class is on Thursday. If I had my way, students should return by 3rd Jan and orientation should be just 2 full days and lectures should commence by the 2nd week or at the latest middle of the 2nd week of January. Although I had a hectic schedule of ministry of preaching in 7 churches, four times outstation in the last two months of 2023, I had prepared everything in terms of syllabus and course description by the first few days of 2024.

Anti-Hero

We love to watch heroes or anti-heroes in movies and fantasies that it happens in real life. When I left the conference room after my resignation was confirmed I returned to my office and checked my email. Lo and behold an invitation to teach a MTheol module. When one door is closed, another opens. I am like the anti-hero. A kung fu (sifu) master with a black belt and 6 dans (6 published books to my name and when needed he appears and comes to the rescue. Jephthah was an outcast as he was illegitimate, but when Israelites needed him, they looked for him and he delivered God's people from destruction by their enemies. I often played the parts of an anti-hero. Twice during the pandemic I went up to the College to teach intensives when called upon while many hid in caves and cowered in fear. But when I am not needed, my name was struck off the roll. I was never invited to any graduation dinner or even graduation.

Ministry & Conference Schedule 2024

When one becomes a free agent, one is indeed free to go where one wishes, though I have been seeking the Lord for His will in that wherever I go, it is His will and in fulfilling His purposes and not just personal desires. In a week or at most two by the fourth week of January, I shall be deciding whether to attend a Conference in Europe or not since paper proposals close mid-January for one and end January for another. When one travels 13 or 14 hours on a flight, one needs to at least present one paper and I hope I can be a blessing to the nations despite speaking for 25 minutes and taking questions for 10 minutes. If I don't write up a paper proposal, I might just go to Europe for holidays and it could be fun as well without "wasting" four days at a Conference. I plan to spend at least four or five days in UK and a week in Europe including a couple of days in Rome. But my ministry schedule is taking shape besides my three courses which I shall be teaching for the first time, though I could say these subjects are within my specialty since I have written a commentary on the Song of Songs.

My Father is always Working

Jesus said this about His Father when he was accused of working on the Sabbath. In the past several days, I have been getting up real early and starting work just after 6am in the morning. My office is just about 40 meters from my apartment, so it is just walking a short distance across a road and clocking in. All my three courses this Semester are new subjects which I have never taught them before in my 11 years as a Bible School teacher. I look forward to teaching the Song of Songs and Advanced Greek which is really 2nd year Greek for those who have done 2 Semesters of Greek. I am reading critical commentaries as well using about three exegetical studies with exposition on the Greek text from John 14-17.

3 Days & 3 Nights

I went through many emotions and my mind and heart were like a roller coaster with many ups and downs in the past several days. It was not as urgent as Esther’s three days and three nights total fast, but I came close to experiencing many highs and lows more than almost 30 years in full-time ministry. Last Thursday came the news that my resignation had been accepted during the first faculty meeting of the year. It was followed strangely enough a letter of acknowledgment of my resignation in the late afternoon which I thought would have come first before reading about it in the minutes of the faculty meeting. I realised that administration is really a gift not to be taken for granted or lightly.

It is good to Work

There is a verse that says a man goes out in the morning to work in the field and returns in the evening. It is good to work as God has called us to work. Adam is tasked to tend the garden of Eden. Those called to work for God are most blessed. We work all the time as the Father is always working (John’s Gospel). There is no moment that I could say I don’t work. Even in rest and in sleep is in order that we could work well after rest. It is not a matter of being gainfully employed as the world. I am employed by God who has proven faithful. Even when human bosses play the fool or play foul, God is true to His servants and I have experienced this time and time again.

New Year & New Wine

It is usual that in the first few days of the New Year I will spend time waiting on the Lord, waiting for a word or promise from Him to inspire me to serve in the year ahead. This morning I felt the Lord spoke to me from the Gospel of Luke. The first passage that stood out was about the bridegroom being present (my son's wedding took place three days ago) and that the celebrants could only celebrate with the bridegroom eating and drinking, says Jesus. But new wine must be poured out into new wineskins.

New Year is Here

This has been a year that I had been waiting for a long time. It's my year. The Year of the Dragon. It is a year that I could withdraw my little savings on my government's retirement fund (Employee Retirement Fund). As I had only worked intermittently (in the past five years, I have only worked half the time and the rest of the time in writing books), there is little left but as Scripture says, "better little with righteousness than becoming rich through unlawful and corrupt means". It is also a year I can move into "retirement", as Malaysia's retirement age is 60, though as for me serving the Lord is a full-time job until one's last breath. It is a year that I may have to move to a different city or town. There is much uncertainty in the New Year just as in the previous year when I had nothing on the plate, waiting for my next appointment which never came until this current position opened in the second half of 2023. But God is good. He is good all the time.